This was a tough Free-Range Fiction challenge for me. It came from the insatiable Chuck Wendig, since I do love his blog and his schedule for prompts fits with my goal for flash fiction and getting it out here. But only 100 words is tough when you’re trying to build emotional tension. And it’s flash — no editing, ya know? Already as I get ready to paste this, I’ve figured out a way that could have made it better. That’s exactly why we do this. To learn. To grow. To get better.
Choosing a subject was hard because I’ve been witness and victim to bullying so often. My children have suffered from it. I’ve watched my spouse get bullied at various jobs he’s had. It’s a plague on our society, truly.
If you had only 100 words to tell a profound story about bullying, what would it be? Show me in your comments if you’re daring.
Here’s my horrible attempt. At least I attempted it. I challenge you to take Chuck’s challenge, too.
The commander leaned on his desk, “You have to let your husband back into your quarters, sergeant. Army Regulation 608-99 requires you.”
“We’re separating; he broke our marriage vows,” Sgt. Hurst squirmed and swallowed hard, then breathed in deep.
“Until you have a court order, you have to take him back,” Cpt. Parker said. “You must provide for him.”
“He’s an able-bodied male, Sir…”
“Sergeant! This matter is closed. Take him back or have a court order to me.”
Between two war deployments it would take her four years, thousands of dollars, and multiple heartaches to get that court order.
OK – You inspired me to take five and try this. Here you go:
The phone vibrated in her pocket for the 100th time today. It was another text message and it made her feel like puking. Her mom had bought her the phone so that she could call from school anytime she needed, but it had turned into a nightmare. Someone had her number and they wouldn’t stop leaving messages. She hesitated, but with sweaty palms pulled it out anyway. Again the screen screamed “DIE BITCH! I HATE YOU! I WILL FUCK YOU UP!” What was a 12 year old to do?
Thoughts?
I like it. Last line, however takes me out of the story — just change the point of view and it just became that much more chilling.
Example please?
I want to be inside the head of the person this is happening to, I guess is what I’m saying. “I didn’t know what to do,” or When mom went over how to use this phone, this wasn’t covered… I don’t know. Just a thought. But the subject matter is very dynamic and deserves a story for sure.
hhmmm… my intent was to convey the young age of the girl and how cyber bullying can be brought on by the media we carry with us. Trying to bring home a twist on the perspective.
Either way, it was a fun exercise. 🙂